Overcoming painful virginity loss and pain in early intercourse may make women feel a variety of negative emotions. You may even experience some degree of shame that your body seems to be failing you. Your shame could lead you not to want to participate in any sexual activity.
You might feel fear of losing your partner because of sex. Embarrassment might come up for you if you perceive you are the only one experiencing painful intercourse, in which you are not alone.
Painful intercourse is a widespread issue for women especially! There are many reasons a woman might feel pain during intercourse, particularly during her first time. Given that everyone is different and may have a different set of experiences leading up to virginity loss, one of these myths may fit you, or you may have your own myth.
There are many reasons you may experience pain, especially when you experience sex for the first time. Here we have listed some of the medically reviewed issues:. One possible cause of sexual pain may be the hymen or the small membrane at the entrance of the vaginal canal. The hymen used to be considered a mark of virginity.
However, in truth, the hymen does not disappear or break; it just stretches open. Below you will find different versions of what your hymen might look like. The membrane that covers the hymen in childhood should wear away on its own, but this is not the case for all women. Many factors contribute to the stretching of the hymen, such as exercise during childhood, masturbation, or tampon use.
However, for some women, it can be painful. Some women are born with abnormal hymens in rare cases, such as imperforate, separate, or microperforated hymens. In these cases, openings do not allow adequate space for the penetration of a penis, finger, or object without pain. Penetration might feel like a stinging sensation.
If you suspect your hymen might fall into these categories, take a look with a mirror, the same way you might have done around puberty. Check if the opening looks abnormally small or if you see a thin piece of skin across the center. These can be corrected by minor surgeries and are not serious. When the hymen first ruptures, it usually hurts, but not always. If the rupture is caused by exercise, tampon usage, or colposcopy a medical procedure , there may be some pain afterward as well.
For someone who experienced no prior penetration of any sort, you may be more likely to experience pain. These muscles are used for a variety of different bodily movements. One such example is helping you hold in or release urine. Like other muscles in your body, your pelvic floor muscles can be sore the first time you use them in a new way. Like any other muscle in the body, these must adapt and strengthen to get used to the new activity.
Think of it in terms of an exercise routine — for someone who has not performed a strenuous workout in a while or ever , the muscles they use will become sore the next day. As one continues a routine to strengthen these muscles, the pain will decrease. As the pelvic floor muscles become used to penetrative sex, they will eventually be able to accommodate a penis or object comfortably. If you are concerned you might have a painful virginity loss or have already experienced such, consider exercising the pelvic floor muscles yourself with one or two fingers or with dilators.
Many women find these methods more comfortable, as they can exercise the muscles at their own pace. When doing so, it is helpful to be in a state of arousal and have proper lubrication as this prepares the muscles to be used in the way you want them to be. Vaginismus is a general tightening of the pelvic floor muscles upon penetration. Vulvodynia is a pain in the outer area of the female genitals, such as the clitoris, labia, or near the vaginal opening.
Other types of pain you may experience are a burning sensation, piercing or dull pain, tenderness or sensitivity, or muscle spasming.
For example, some people carry their stress in their pelvic floor, leading to painful sex. Experiencing high levels of anxiety or low moods such as depression can also impact your muscular response to sexual intercourse. Another cause of GPPPD is related to the new way the muscles are being used that we discussed above in reference to the pelvic floor.
Here we would recommend reaching out to a specialized pelvic floor physical therapist to rule out physical issues. If pain continues, there are other possible reasons.
Most commonly, vaginal pain is due to a lack of lubrication. Consider asking your partner to engage in more foreplay before sex to allow more time for lubrication to occur. Spit is a great natural lubricant. Another option is to use artificial lubricants, which are widely available at major retail stores, your local pharmacy, or even online.
Be sure to stay away from oil-based lubricants if you are using a condom, as the lubricant may weaken the integrity of the condom. Pain during sex may also have an emotional cause. However, pain may also be linked to more persistent anxiety or fear. Ask yourself if you are completely comfortable with your partner. If you believe you might have anxiety regarding sexual activity itself, therapy can help you work through these feelings.
Therapy is also helpful in overcoming various pain disorders that can affect women of all ages and all levels of sexual experience. There are various exercises you can try to prepare the pelvic floor muscles for sexual activity. Kegel exercises work the muscles controlling the vaginal walls, uterus, bladder, and rectum. Kegel exercises involve the same muscles you use to urinate, so next time you do so, it might be helpful to note how you control these muscles.
However, you should be sure not to perform Kegels while urinating, as doing this habitually can cause urinary tract infections.
To perform a Kegel exercise, start by orienting yourself into a comfortable position — sitting or lying down will probably be most comfortable. Make sure to breathe naturally throughout the exercise — do not hold your breath.
Next, you will want to tighten your pelvic floor muscles and hold for about 10 seconds, and then relax for 10 seconds. If you cannot tighten the muscles for 10 seconds, start with a few fewer seconds and try working your way up to To prepare these muscles for penetration, the next step to this exercise is to perform the Kegels while some type of penetration is occurring, such as with dilators or fingers.
A suggested time frame for penetrative Kegels is as follows:. These are considered reverse Kegels because they focus solely on the relaxation portion of pelvic floor muscle exercises. Kegels, however, strengthen both the tightening and relaxing of these muscles. In some women, pelvic floor muscles may be particularly tense, so exercises focusing solely on the relaxation aspect may be the most beneficial. Another difference of pelvic floor drops involves visualization example mentioned below.
To perform a pelvic floor drop:. When taking a deep breath, the abdominopelvic cavity enlarges while the pelvic floor muscles elongate. This exercise helps with pelvic pain because it trains the pelvic floor muscles to both stretch and relax.
To correctly perform diaphragmatic breathing, follow these steps:. Painful virginity loss and pain in early sex are common occurrences among women. Despite their frequency, there are many techniques targeting various causes of genito-pelvic pain and making sex less painful. Sometimes the solution is as simple as adding lubrication, trying different positions, gently stretching the hymen, or assuring you are comfortable with your partner.
In other cases, mild surgeries to correct abnormal hymens could solve your pain quite easily. If none of these prove helpful, routine exercises such as those explained above are an accessible way for women to treat their own pelvic pain in the comfort of their own homes. If the problem persists and sex is painful every time you try, be sure to see a doctor for medical advice.
However, speaking to a professional therapist about your specific experiences with pain also has many benefits. Talk to us today at to set up your appointment. Read more about the female genital anatomy. I think you are missing another cause: A partner with a large penis.
But I could see how it might for some women, especially if they have other issues on top of this such as abnormal hymen. Lubrication is a definite key factor and adequate lubrication cannot be emphasized enough. This was my experience. There was some pain with penetration for the first time and then some discomfort throughout, but more pleasure than pain. This was also my experience: I felt fine directly afterwards, but by the next day I had significant swelling and tenderness.
This resolved within 3 days. One additional note: because my partner and I were in a long term monogamous relationship and I was on birth control which allowed us to both be more relaxed we did not use condoms which is, of course, risky outside of a monogamous relationship. Any question or concern about persistent pain or irritation or discharge or any other symptoms should be discussed with your doctor. As the author noted, for women, pain at first intercourse cannot always be avoided but it can usually be minimized and pain does not prevent the experience of pleasure.
And it is possible to experience both at the same time! Thank you for reaching out! We hope you found the email we sent you to be helpful. Best, The Better You Institute.
But you can improve your skill over time through practice and theory — that is, reading up about it. Setting realistic expectations when it comes to sexual pleasure and orgasms is important, as it can take off some of the pressure. Foreplay is a great way to relax your mind, increase body awareness, and experience sexual pleasure. If you have a penis, you might become erect during foreplay.
For some, the line between foreplay and sex is blurry — remember, we all have our own definition of sex! It simply makes it easier and less painful to slide in and out. Oil can cause a hole to form in the condom, making it useless. In other words, ditch the Vaseline and get a water-based lubricant.
Simple sex positions for first-timers include:. You might feel the need to try adventurous or even acrobatic sex positions to make your first time truly memorable. Sexy, silent montages in movies might make it seem like people never talk to each other during sex other than a few moans of ecstasy.
If your partner is going to use their fingers to penetrate you, make sure they clip their nails and wash their hands before. Long nails can make the experience uncomfortable. Go slowly when it comes to penetration. Gentle, shallow strokes with a finger, sex toy, or penis can help the vagina relax and loosen slightly.
Many people find this more comfortable. In truth, most vaginas -— Think about it: How else would blood get out during your period? However, not everyone bleeds the first time their vagina is penetrated. When it comes to having anal sex for the first time, lubrication is a must. There are sex toys that are specially designed for anal sex. This can help you physically and mentally relax. Slow, gentle movements are key. The anal tissues are quite delicate, and fast or rough sex can result in pain.
So, take your time and figure out what you like. Ten minutes is a good goal to aim for, but you might simply wait until your vagina is wet enough for penetration. Whether you get wet easily or not, lube is always a good idea. The lubrication makes penetration easier and less painful. Do some research before buying a lube that works for you. If one sex position feels uncomfortable for you, change it up!
When it comes to penis-in-vagina sex, missionary position is often comfortable. This is where the person with the vagina lies on their back while the person with the penis lies facedown on top of them. You can prop a pillow underneath your hips to make the position more comfortable and pleasurable for you and your partner. If your partner is penetrating you with their fingers or a sex toy , try lying on your back with your legs spread slightly apart. You should be just as mindful of the positions you use when you masturbate.
For example, if lying on your back feels uncomfortable, try squatting, standing, or kneeling on all fours. Try different positions until you find one you enjoy. However, extreme or persistent pain might be a sign that something is wrong.
Also see a doctor if you have other questions about your reproductive health, such as options for contraception and safer sex. Her writing covers issues relating to social justice, cannabis, and health. You can reach out to her on Twitter. Condoms are one of the most effective ways to prevent pregnancy and protect against sexually transmitted infections. There are a lot of myths around sexual activity, one being that your first time having sex will hurt.
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